Archive for

December, 2009

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Looking back, Walking Forward

I have a little New Year's Eve ritual. I like to spend some time looking back on the old year, taking a broad sweeping look, like I'm flying overhead looking down at the landscape. And some years there are more clouds than others obscuring the view. I see quite a few stars this evening.

A lot happened in 2009. As the result of a "health opportunity" that generally goes by the name of cancer in late 2007, I realized in 2008 that, "news flash: I was mortal". It was time to wake up and do what I really wanted to do, instead of thinking about it, writing about it, imagining it, or being afraid of it. The penny finally dropped that I should get on with life, in a get out there and do things sort of way. Some of that self absorbed, self consciousness and fear dissolved with the surgeon's stitches. So 2009 was the year when I decided to get up everyday (well not everyday, but you know what I mean) and create some art. I needed to show and display my art and meet other artists. I needed to take risks and get uncomfortable. 2009 was the year I looked in the mirror and said who cares if I look stupid. Vanity and vulnerability travel in the same make-up bag.

It was also a year I did a lot of deep spiritual housekeeping. I worked earnestly and made peace and forged a heart connection with my 94 year old mother. I gave up blaming her and grumbling about her and said the hard things to her that needed to be said to move forward. To her credit she was open and ready for the healing to take place and our last months together were warmed by feelings of deep connection. I think the wanting and needing something from each other somehow dissolved. We had deep conversations about her impending death and it was the most peaceful experience I have ever had, to sit with her as she died on August 29th.

We finally decided to sell our house and move from the city to a smaller island than we live on now. We worked hard to get the house ready and put it up for sale. It was a spiritual experience to travel the road of big monetary transaction with integrity. But we negotiated it in a way that felt good and on Dec 16th we signed the final inky flourishes to the sale documents. House sold, time to move on. I have to say Mara made a big visit the night after we signed those papers. Every fear I've had about my health came to visit. Doubt and terror are not at all fun to share the pillow with. It felt pretty clear that the only way out was through the little burning, toxic pit. I found the where-with-all to sit with it and consider my options. Fear was feasting on speculation. Instead of pulling the covers over my head I worked to get a felt sense of what it would be like to throw the deal, stay put and be safe. Mara left empty handed.

I gained more confidence in my art this year by devoting more time and attention to it. "What we feed, grows stronger." I learned a little bit about hitting my stride. I learned not to throw myself into fits of despair when things didn't go my way ( a long standing habitual tendency of mine).

And so 2009 has been a time of great learning and looking forward. Things didn't always go my way but I learned to work with that. I worked to resist collapsing into a little heap of "I can'tness" at the first sign of trouble. Oh maybe a few times but who's counting? I worked with my tendency to obsess over things when they didn't go my way. This is such a strong, alluring tendency for me, one of those things I know in my head to be unwholesome but man, it can grab hold of me and take me on a big old chase.

And the Dharma has remained central and strong in my life. I didn't find a Sangha to sit with in 2009 but maintained my own practice and am connected to a number of "Buddhist" friends and my monk friend.

As I look forward to the new year I have new plans to address some health and stamina issues so that I might do more out in the world. We will move to Salt Spring Island in March after living in our wonderful urban home for the last 13 years. And of course based on impermanence and the fact that we are not in control of the big picture I can look forward to the adventures of another year. As my Zen teacher always says "we do our part and the eternal (or whatever you like to call it) looks after the rest."

May you experience happiness and health and the fruits of your good training in 2010. May we be good company to each other as we walk this path together. Bows to you.


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HAPPY NEW YEAR and “HARDCORE ZEN TOUR: The Movie” Saturday at Hill St. Center

Happy New Year!

Hope your year is wonderful. I'm busy doing a half-assed version of 大掃除, which is pronounced "oh-so-ji"and means "big cleaning." It's something you do on New Year's in Japan. You clean up every damn thing in the house. I'm not going quite that far, but I'm doing some special cleaning tonight. Which is why this is gonna be short.

Today I finally watched Sike Sillanpää's film "Hardcore Zen Tour," a 30 minute documentary about my tour of Finland this summer. I'm really impressed. Sike followed me around almost 24/7 while I was in Finland this August filming every damned thing I did. He cut the footage into a 30 minute piece that he is trying to get exhibited in Finnish TV and elsewhere. I really love it.

For those of you who wondered, we will have our regular Zazen thing at Hill Street Center on Saturday, January 2nd starting at 10 am. The complete info on how to get there and all that is at the link over to your left that says Weekly Zazen Classes on Saturday Mornings (or just click on those very words in this very sentence).

I'm guessing we won't have a lot of people this coming Saturday. But for those of you who do show up, as a special treat I will show the movie! So be there if you wanna see it.

OK. Gotta go now.
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Completely full

In 2005 I wrote the first two stanzas of this poem, and sent them to Daniel Terragno, a Zen Master I was fortunate enough to work with at the time. He wrote back the few words that became the last stanza. May you sleep peacefully and awake to the new year with pleasure.

Winter blue out there.
A drip from the eaves, another.

How thin the needles of the pine
at the edge of the ravine.
No blessing anywhere, and

that no-blessing—
drip drip drip . . . pine needles . . . the ravine—
is completely full.
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Speaking of Religion, “Spirituality” and Legal Tactics…

P.Z. Myers, in his trademark blasphemous way, brings to my attention the oddest patent infringement suit I've seen in weeks. What Myers fails to seek, the really really cool part, the part that would make Bill Harris sit up, is that it's probably about stuff that's mil spec...

A Minnesota marketer of communion-wafer dispensers is accusing its former president of patent infringement and misappropriation of trade secrets. (.pdf)

The allegations in a Dec. 30 federal lawsuit come amid a fledgling market for such dispensing devices, as those receiving communion seek a germ-free environment. The handheld devices allow the dispensing of wafers without being touched by anybody but those receiving them.

What’s more, the portable devices, according to the lawsuit, “easily deliver communion to military personnel in combat situations and to people who are hospitalized, infirm or otherwise immobile.”

Among other things, Nu-Life Products of Minnesota claims it owns technology known as the “rapid reload system” for fast wafer loading and the “quad-rotator technology” allowing up to 400 wafers to be dispensed without having to be refilled.

The defendant in the case, former company president Douglas Henricksen of Wisconsin, says he never sold a single unit of the competing “Communalabra germ-free communion-host–delivery system” and that he didn’t misappropriate any of his former employer’s properties while operating a similarly named company called Nu-Life Church Supplies.

“This is blown way out of proportion,” Henricksen said in a telephone interview. “I was the person who actually designed the communion-host dispenser. I actually built the entire company myself.”

Now if they only knew about the pricing structure of Mil Spec items...


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REVOLUTION 2010!

Well another 365 and 1/4 day cycle around the sun has been completed. Just like it gets completed each and every moment. It is 0530 here as I begin to type out this post and there is still a bit of a clamor of revelry going on down stairs from me. The sounds conjure up a nostalgic smile as I recall the days when I too once partied like a rock star.

The fifth year of sobriety?

The seventh year of attempting to figure out what exactly Dhyāna is.

The beginning of another tour that has me asking who has the answers? (Me!) What the heck is going on here? (Ignorance, Formation, Consciousness, Identity, Sensations, Contact, Perception, Desire, Attachment, Becoming, Birth, Death) When am I going to figure out how to conduct business here? (When I say how I'm to conduct business here.) Where do I stand? (I'd rather sit.) How does this work? (Pretty much how I say it does.) Why didn't the last guy do it differently? (Because he didn't.)

This year I am a total beginner. From the perspective of a zennist, this is not such a bad thing. From the prospective of a professional who is depended on to be the "go too guy" in a critical area, this is a bit intimidating.

But it isn't really that bad. I have gone through this process before and know what needs to be done. It is not too hard to identify what is working and what is not and than effect changes to make things work more efficiently. I'm quite effective at it actually. I just wish everyone was.

As far as I can tell so far, there are no practicing Buddhists on Okinawa. I hope that is a gross misrepresentation of reality. When I first got my orders here I knew there were no temples for foreigners here but I was holding on to some hope that there would be some kind of practice community that I could connect with, even if it were from a different lineage that would have been OK. Mostly what I was looking for was a quiet place to sit, and maybe some new dharma friends.

It has crossed my mind to become a "lay leader" (yes, I'm ordained and so the term lay leader seems a bit off, but the military doesn't recognize that ordination unless you have a Masters degree.) of sorts and provide support to other seekers, but frankly due to the operational tempo and rapid turnover of this unit and it's subordinate elements I don't think that is going to be an option. Right now my own sitting has been providing me with quite enough grist for the mill and I'm not sure how helpful I could be if someone asked for advise on theirs.

But then again, when I think about it, I seem to have a complete lack of existential issues at the moment... That's weird. And I wonder if it might be useful to someone.

Sencha tea, once brewed, will oxidize quickly and the taste will change rapidly from a fresh cup to one that is a bit stale.
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Only different in your mind!!

Hi.

Is there a difference between buddhism and dharma?
At first, this may seem a tough nut to crack.
But it boils down to a few things.

1. Buddhism is an -ism, meaning largely "adherence or following an ideology or philosophical world views", dharma is not bound by such as it is more in the line of "the fundamental truths".

2. Buddhism is something you "follow" or "do" (note the ""), dharma "is" what "is".

If you come this far, tag along a little further, because now it gets interesting.
As a buddhist and not a "wordwrangler" you don't have a difference since what you do is what is.
Meaning, that there is no difference between Buddhism and Dharma.

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

- Shakespeare, romeo and juliet

Or as another master would say:

"No! No different! Only different in your mind."

-Yoda

Mtfbwy
Fugen
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More on Funding Dharma Organizations in the 21st Century



Like many other Buddhist bloggers, I have a lot of issues with the way Genpo Roshi from Salt Lake City, Utah is promoting his Big Mind work. John's current post at Sweep the Dust,Push the Dirt addresses Genpo's recent interview on Buddhist Geeks, as well as makes some comments about the board of directors for the Big Mind Center. I felt compelled to respond to the issue of funding dharma organizations, given my current position and experience.

Here's my response, for the record:

Well, I have to out myself as the Board President of my sangha. It’s been an interesting experience, focusing on finances and future goals for a Zen community. Our community membership is probably about 130 households right now – the largest in Minnesota, but not terribly big. We have nothing like the Big Mind Center in terms of “products” for sale, and our marketing is very small scale (sometimes even too small). Spending three years on the board has shown me the great complications that come with financing dharma institutions in capitalist countries that have no history of dana or giving to such organizations.

One of my main issues with Genpo and others like him is that they are giving into the view that it’s in our best interest to go along with the global capitalist approach, and somehow, the dharma will just manifest for people if we just use the tools of capitalism to sell it. This is an absolute failure to address both the huge amounts of suffering being produced by this system, as well as the fact that many Buddhist teachings run completely against the grain of a for profit system.

We have to do our best to work within this system, while also challenging the sickness of it all. That’s my view. And because of this, there’s going to be some quandaries when it comes to funding. Do you take money from a questionable source if it means keeping the doors open? What strings attached are ok, and which aren’t? How do you fund an organization through a Buddhist lens in a country that is mostly non-Buddhist?

A few years ago, I actually looked at a grant from the Lenz Foundation for our sangha, not knowing a lot about his history at that time. There was something off about it to me, so I didn’t pursue it. There has been a lot of talk about Tricycle magazine accepting money from the Lenz Foundation, and I agree this is somewhat troubling. However, they have also helped fund the following organizations during the past 8 years: Upaya Zen Center, Zen Hospice Project, Naropa University, Prison Dharma Network, Spirit Rock Meditation Center, and Great Mountain Zen Center. They’re also considering a grant for the Insight Meditation Center, among others.

The problem is that there aren’t very many places to go for Buddhist organizations to go to for outside funds. I think we need a national Buddhist funding body, with regional affiliates – this is one idea I’ve had anyway. Because as it is now, the Big Mind approach is kind of attractive if you ignore the impact of giving into the drives of “the shadows.” And if you’ve reject that approach, then you end up taking a look at things like the Lenz Foundation. Or you hobble along like my center does, breaking even or losing some money each year, and hoping to get enough membership money and class payments to make it to the next year. It’s a troubling cycle that’s a response to a difficult, complex, and ultimately destructive economic system.
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My Last Words on Bill Harris and Holosync™

NellaLou's post on the Holosync™ guy's coercive legal tactics has resulted in my thinking about my issues with whole issue of putting headphones on to meditate to something.


And those issues start with a bit that Hakuin wrote
...

What is the Sound of the Single Hand? When you clap together both hands a sharp sound is heard; when you raise the one hand there is neither sound nor smell. Is this the High Heaven of which Confucius speaks? Or is it the essentials of what Yamamba describes in these words: "The echo of the completely empty valley bears tidings heard from the soundless sound?" This is something that can by no means be heard with the ear. If conceptions and discriminations are not mixed within it and it is quite apart from seeing, hearing, perceiving, and knowing, and if, while walking, standing, sitting, and reclining, you proceed straightforwardly without interruption in the study of this koan, you will suddenly pluck out the karmic root of birth and death and break down the cave of ignorance. Thus you will attain to a peace in which the phoenix has left the golden net and the crane has been set free of the basket. At this time the basis of mind, consciousness, and emotion is suddenly shattered; the realm of illusion with its endless sinking in the cycle of birth and death is overturned. The treasure accumulation of the Three Bodies and the Four Wisdoms is taken away, and the miraculous realms of the Six Supernatural Powers and Three Insights is transcended.

From p. 164, Yabukoji, in The Zen Master Hakuin: Selected Writings, Translated by Philip B. Yampolsky, Columbia University Press, New York and London, 1971.

Is Holosync™ the High Heaven of which Confucius speaks? Well... Bill Harris claims that his product allows you to "meditate as deeply as a Zen monk, literally at the touch of a button."

As I said elsewhere, buried in a comment somewhere, my response to this claim was, "which one?" Just which "Zen monk" would his product allow me to meditate in as "deep" a state?

Well, that's a ridiculous question because it's a patently ridiculous claim. It is ridiculous because, despite all the sensors you could hook up to anyone's brain to detect brainwave patterns, when it comes to Zen monks, their meditation is whatever it is!

IOW, you, dear reader, whether you've been meditating for 5 seconds or 50 years, already meditate as deeply as a Zen monk!

You don't feel it's "deep?" Well, according to the Lankavatara sutra, that is a phenomenal aspect of Mind...or should I say "Big Mind?" Just note the shallowness, and resume your practice.

You need to train your mind to do that to be skilled, and to be able to carry that over into all the crap that fills the rest of our lives when not on a zafu.

True enough, maybe Bill Harris's device might put the mind into states that Pink Floyd could only induce accompanied by chemical ingestion. I don't know. I've never tried it. But the experience of sammadhi (ざっまい), or kensho (見性) and the like are not a goal. It's not ultimately about some tripped-out state for its own sake, but rather because training your body and mind to act moment to moment in this state allows you to be in the right place at the right time with the right frame of mind to actually friggin' help people who need help. This is not to say that one does not, in Rinzai Zen, pursue meditation practice (specifically koan practice) without any hope that there will be an enlightenment experience. It is to say that it is ridiculous to think that this experience is valid unless it becomes operative in one's day to day boring old existence.

To make it operative you've got to practice while "walking, standing, sitting, and reclining," while doing so "making your whole body one great inquiry, working at it night and day", and at least in the koan practices, you've generally got to focus on the hua-t'ou, which isn't simply a verbally repeated mantra, but is the ante-word - "word before the word" or the meaning of this hua-t'ou traced back to its source.

Similarly, (and I'm not a Dogen guy as much as I once was, so Soto folks please elaborate/correct) the "just sitting" done on the cushion should be carried over into the "one act sammadhi" of engaging everything in life with the single purpose as done on the cushion.

The object of this is not at all about the cultivation of a state. None of this is about "profoundly deep (and extremely pleasurable) meditation." No quanta are leaped.

In fact it's not about getting anything, but about being to the best of your ability while you've got metabolic processes encased in that bag of skin.

Now why then does Hakuin (and the original Mumon, and others) say all this great stuff will happen if you pursue this stuff? Well, read the damn thing closely! Hakuin says that if pursued dilligently you'll be able to "pluck out the karmic root of birth and death and break down the cave of ignorance." The only place that can possibly happen is in the interstices of your everyday existence! D'uh, as they say! You see - and are empowered to act - in a way that's not the same old crap! And you're able to appreciate it! And isn't that better than some tripped out experience? Yeah, it should be 'cause that's where you live your life most of the time!

The folks who created and refined this stuff over millenia needed no voice dialogs, they needed no technology to live their lives, and the very moment they started walking on the path...bam! they were "meditating like Zen monks."

Even the lay folk were.

And that's why I think Bill Harris makes claims that are not true, and I say this as a practitioner of Zen for close to 2 decades.


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Happy New Year!

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A happy, peaceful and laughter-filled new year to one and all!


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New Year’s Eve 2009

This has really been quite a difficult year for me personally; financially things were tight (and will probably continue to be tighter than looser for the time being), there was the lingering death of my mother, and difficulties elsewhere, but still there were great things about it.

I'll never forget my now-23 year old favorite niece talking to me as were were being driven along near Dandong, when she noted a guy skinny-dipping in the Yalu river, and noted that she was seeing the largest genitalia she had ever seen "so close to North Korea." We had the best meals we ever had so close to North Korea.

I have a wonderful family, both immediate and extended, and it is gratifying to see them come together like that.

There's special sitting I'd like to do on New Year's Eve, but it won't be around midnight, because we will have friends over.

So it will be on New Year's day.


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